#a bit nervous posting this idk how receptive tumblr is to this stuff lol

[shippofuri]

Thoughts on Lycion's identity, species, gender. (CW: mentions of internalized transphobia)

as someone who is trans and has species dysphoria (and whose transness is intrinsically linked to species dysphoria, the human female form being too exaggeratedly human to feel comfortable in) it feels a bit odd when people exclusively discuss Lycion's body dysmorphia as exclusively a trans allegory (which is a perfectly reasonable read! but it can be more than that...) seemingly without much awareness that people who are like him, and especially trans people who are like him in a more literal sense exist... So I figure, as one of those people, I might give some observations on Lycion, along with some anecdotes of my own experience and how it parallels it, how his characterization reflects real-world struggles- both literally and as a trans narrative, and why I appreciate characters like him so much.

What is fascinating (but also so relatable!) to me, both when viewed in a literal sense and as a trans allegory, is that Lycion does not actually have a particular affinity to another species, but rather feels a visceral discomfort with his own elven body.

We even see in his raceswap portraits, Lycion is visibly happier as anything but an elf. Unlike Laios, who wants to become a monster, Lycion doesn't want to become anything in particular, he simply wants to stop being an elf.

Most depictions of transgender characters in media are focused on the idea of wanting to become something. Feeling in your heart you were always meant to be a boy or a girl or perhaps some secret third thing. Having a specific goal. What is less often depicted is the experience of I don't want to be what i was born as, I'd rather be anything else but this. anything is better than this. And, in both my struggles with gender and with my own humanity, this has been my experience!

Of course, there are a great many creatures I look at and think "I would be much happier if i were one of them", but those feelings are broader and less pressing than the overwhelming discomfort with my own body, and the desire to be less human. I aspired to masculinity and ultimately pursued transition not out of a particular affinity with any idea of maleness, but because masculine human features, to me, appear more animalistic, less of a strange naked thing that sticks out like a sore thumb in the grand scheme of things. And so too did Lycion pursue becoming a beastman, not because he felt a particular affinity with being a wolf, but because it would make him less of an elf.

And after pursuing it, even though he still has to spend much of his time as an elf, Lycion is far more comfortable, no longer nihilistic and self-destructive. He's confident, prideful even! He has a body that doesn't feel wrong, even if he can only wear it sometimes.

And, myself having been on HRT for nearly four years now, i have to say my experience has been much the same! Even though, of course, I'm still human, my dysphoria has essentially been eliminated, I feel comfortable in my body, and I genuinely like the way I look. I admire my reflection and find joy even in the changes that i was merely indifferent to the possibility of when beginning my treatment, and it even eased some issues completely unrelated to gender...!

Finally, Laios' dismissal of Lycion's identity here feels very reminiscent of people casting doubt on a trans (most often nonbinary) individual's identity due to transitioning for what they view as "the wrong reason", even at times arguing that only people who meet their personal standard for transness should be allowed access to transition. And like with Laios, who himself wishes to become a monster, these arguments are often coming from within, from others in the trans community.

Is someone who identifies as male because they don't want to be female less justified in their desire to pursue transition than someone who doesn't want to be female because they identify as male...? Should people be denied the right to feel comfortable in their own skin because they are seeking to escape something, rather than reaching for something specific...? Of course, you know what my answer is, but I digress.

[astarion-dekarios]

Fic Writer Interview

Tagged by @everyonewasabird, thank you so much! <3

Name: SincereMercy on Ao3, at long last my tumblr name and Ao3 name match

Fandoms: Les Mis! I wish I wrote for other fandoms because one time I wrote like a <500-word ficlet for the Yakuza fandom as a complete unknown and got over 90 kudos and 9 bookmarks, and that sweet sweet external motivation feels really really good, but Sadly my heart is mostly stuck in Les Mis fandom.

Where you post: AO3, I also post some smaller stuff on Tumblr sometimes. Maybe I should export a couple of them bc they’re frankly better than some of the stuff on my AO3

Most popular one-shot: Easily, EASILY the Yakuza ficlet on my other secret Ao3 account. In Les Mis fandom it’s.... uh, the one-sided e/R ficlet I wrote once. ._. But if I’m counting not just kudos but actual bookmarks/comments/etc then it’s The Party of Humanity, a fic where Enjolras and Marius talk about politics together, which is good because that’s probably my best work.

Most popular multi-chapter:  I only have two multi-chapter fics! Right now it’s That Horizon Which One Beholds, a fic where Enjolras is injured during the July Revolution and Combeferre saves him, and also grapples with Combeferre’s feelings about the revolution in general... but I hope that soon it will become pontificale et guerrière, my collab with @marschallin and yet another fic about the July Revolution but with an AFAB Enjolras (and other Amis), which is much better researched and more deeply thought out and complicated. It’s still a work in progress though!

Favourite story I’ve written so far: The Party of Humanity!! I’m proud to say it’s genuinely certified a Good story.

Fic you were nervous to post: There are Nerves [and anxious ‘comminte????’] associated with everything I write, but I’ve been most especially nervous with ‘pontificale et guerrière‘, because ““gender-swapped”“ Amis are kind of a niche field to begin with and our approach to an AFAB Enjolras is a lot different than what is most popular-- and also my new WIP, which not only features people actually having sex but also Violent Homophobia, so a pretty big departure from what I am known for and I worry about how it will be received.

How do you choose your titles: Used to do a lot of single-word titles, now I’m leaning more on the side of the classic “use a quote from Les Mis”. I have a working title for my new WIP that is neither of those though.

Do you outline: No lol. The one fic I fully outlined before I started died before it was truly born. That said with pontificale et guerrièrre I am trying more of an outline-y approach so that we Know what is going to happen next. I think to some extent it’s necessary when you are working with someone else? Anyway I’ve always been bad at outlines including for academic writing.

Complete: Almost everything.

In progress:  Pontificale et guerrièrre-- we’ve struggled a bit on the third chapter due to a Number of both internal and external Events happening, and also I confess I have been somewhat Discouraged By the lack of reception to chapter 2. But really this is why I don’t as a rule post WIPs chapter-by-chapter and why I probably won’t do after this one is finished. ALSO, “new” fic, working title “A Soft Place to Fall”, which is a continuation to this “definitely just a one-shot” thing I posted on logic & philosophy week.

Coming soon/not yet started: I feel that I have already answered this mostly unless my finals due this week count. :)

Prompts: I like doing them, a lot. 7/13 of my published works on Ao3 are Gifts for other people, and then so is Everything I’ve published on tumblr but not Ao3. It might take me literally a year or even more to get around to it but I do like doing them. I even like doing them without being asked. I wrote “A Light Troubled By Smoke” randomly as a treat bc I like @everyonewasabird and saw he’d requested something for the April Fools Exchange, which ended up being perhaps Cosmically Ordained bc I think the author assigned to him must have dropped out or something? Idk.

Upcoming work you’re most excited about: I already talked about this from my end!!! @marschallin said she is writing something else too so I’m excited to see when that comes out. :)

No-pressure tagging: @marschallin @combeferre